i’ve been waking up every morning lately and asking myself, why me? what did i do so wrong that i deserve this kind of punishment? why out of all people did i develop a rare brain disease? i know self pity and making myself upset over it won’t change anything, and it won’t make it go away, but still. with all these tests coming up on friday (possibly, now bc of this stupid sinus infection) i’m just getting more nervous. i keep stressing myself out and it’s taking over my thoughts. i can’t stop thinking about it, and i can’t make myself come to terms with it. i might show a calm exterior, but my interior is going absolutely wild. everybody tells me to be strong and everything will be okay, but who really knows? nobody, not even the doctors. being in school on top of all this makes it even harder. i don’t want to deal with this and deal with school work. that’s stress on top of stress; which i’m not even allowed to do anymore due to the fact that it seems to be a trigger. all my motivation is lost. i don’t care about anything anymore. i don’t care about school, i don’t care about my health, i don’t care about anything. it sounds bad, and it sounds over dramatic, i know. but i’m at the point where i just don’t care. i know inside that i do care and that today just seems to be an off day. i have so many ups and downs lately. sometimes i’m perfectly fine and i accept this disease for what it is, and other times i hate life in general and want nothing but to be home with my family. i’m just so overwhelmed with this news. it’s only been a month since i’ve been diagnosed but i feel like it’s been years that i’ve been carrying this weight on my shoulders. i’m so drained, emotionally and physically and i just can’t do it anymore.